This is Fifty
I recently turned fifty! There’s now no denying that I’ve reached middle age!
I don’t think anyone looks forward to significant birthdays. My dad didn’t make it to fifty – he died when he was 48 and I was a kid – and that’s my strongest reminder that life is finite and we only get one shot at it.
When I was in my twenties and thirties I kept a note book (which I imaginatively called my “everything book”!) where I would record my goals for the year and years ahead, and each birthday I would evaluate how I was doing in key areas of my life – family, relationships, career, financial, etc. I don’t have such a formal system anymore, but I think it’s important to reflect on where you are in life, and most importantly, how happy you are doing it. For me, I’ve generally always been satisfied with where I was, even if I’ve found, and continue to find, jugging priorities a little challenging sometimes.
I’ve often been puzzled with other’s perception of age and I think this has been heightened with this year’s significant birthday. Despite occasionally encountering jokes about being “old enough to take up golf”, I find myself surrounded by active and inspiring friends –who run marathons, mountain bike, rock climb… some into their sixties and seventies. It’s when others project their values on to me that I realise that many western cultures have a poor relationship to age and the aging. We should be embracing, not fearing, our time on this planet. I reflected on some of those issues in this earlier blog.
Two Years Retired – Ripening Nicely
A decade ago, I embraced turning forty with gusto. I decided to make it a year of celebrations, as if I needed an excuse to do things that I wouldn’t normally be able to justify. I ran my first marathon, scuba dived with sharks, went caving in Oman, and trekked with mountain gorillas in Uganda. Those were the days when I didn’t understand nor I guess care enough about the environmental damage that excessive air travel causes and I managed to visit quite a collection of new and interesting countries in the process.
For my recent fiftieth, Helen arranged a surprise party and my little sister flew in all the way from Aotearoa New Zealand for it! Wow, you have to be flattered when people make that kind of effort for you.
The human reaction to surprise fascinates me. Google tells me that the element of surprise can enhance human emotions by 400%, which partly explains why I become a bundle of emotions in such situations!
On my birthday morning, I was chatting with my sister on the phone and a knock on the door revealed her standing there! It’s funny – I’ve seen social media posts of the same kind of surprises, but it took me more than a few moments to process that she was indeed standing there and for me to stop talking to her through the phone. The whole thing was captured on our doorbell camera, with my confused “what the *duck* are you doing here!?” not being the most eloquent thing I’d said all day.
Helen had blocked off a few days in my calendar but gave no details beyond that. One of my resolutions I’m still working on is to allow myself to step back and let others run the show sometimes, so this was good practice. For someone used to being in control, it all felt pretty uncomfortable, but being unable to answer simple questions like “what time’re we meeting tomorrow” quite liberating, knowing that someone else was managing that particular issue.
For my party, Helen had invited friends and family from near and far. It made me realise what a diverse group of friends we’ve built over the years. Having lived as an expat for a long time I got used to having friends and family spread out – “our life” was in Dubai, my family in Aotearoa New Zealand, Helen’s family in the UK and other expat friends spread around as they come and go. We got used to kind of compartmentalising time with different groups – I used to call it “the Expat Curse” – seeing a group for a short time and then not expecting to see them again for perhaps many months or sometimes years. Having so many friends and family in one room was kind of the opposite to this curse.
It’s kind of cool being able to introduce people with lines like “my sister travelled for 30 hours to get here”, “I met Jim four kilometres into my first marathon in Reykjavik ”, “Peter sailed with us from India to Thailand” or “we took Paul and Babs sailing in Thailand”.
Helen dug deep in the photo albums and organised a slide show through the years – the thing that struck me was what an extraordinary life I’ve had. I don’t mean to sound too melancholy, but I’ve already lived two years longer than my dad and I like to think I’m getting my money’s worth from this life.
It’s not about cramming more things in, but about taking time to experience more. It hadn’t been an easy task for Helen to narrow down the selection of photos that would make the final cut for the slide show on the night. That’s when you realise quite how many amazing experiences I’ve had so far. She couldn’t resist the one of me with bleached blond hair taken at my sister’s wedding. I was reminded at the time that those photos would be around for a very long time!
I’ve been a little wary of mentioning this in case I jinx it, but I think I’ve broken the matrix! I’d become used to seeing social media reminders about “this is what you were doing five years ago” and almost always thinking – wow, that seems like just a year ago!
Since we left our corporate careers in 2019 and after covid madness, started our six months ashore and six months afloat cycle, I’ve become more used to seeing posts from a few years ago and thinking – “wow, that was so recent! If feels like we’ve done loads since then!”
It amazes me to think that in the four years since quitting Dubai, we’ve sailed 3,500 ocean miles (6,400km!) from Dubai to India to Sri Lanka to Thailand; toured Aotearoa New Zealand in a campervan for a year; spent three seasons in the UK and three seasons cruising in Thailand; and renovated our little house!
Becoming older becomes less of an issue when you feel that you are getting the most out of each year that passes and don’t get too wound up about the stuff that doesn’t really matter. I plan to continue to live by the adage “Regret only the things you didn’t do”.
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