Two in Thailand

One of the questions we get asked frequently is how the two of us manage to get along living in such a small space and spending most hours of most days in each other’s company. It is fair to say that neither of us is perfect.  We have our own annoying habits though I am avoiding the debate about what we actually find annoying about the other. I think we may be surprised to find things we hadn’t realised were bloody annoying.  Innocence can be bliss!  But, in general, we manage to find a state of companionship that has so far ensured that we haven’t, yet, been tempted to throw the other overboard. The process of creating memories and having adventures has lots of upsides, so living in a small space in order to achieve them feels like a fair compromise.

The space we live in has become smaller as each year has progressed. Over our last few years in Dubai, we were gradually downsizing as each of the kids left home for university.  We went from a 5-bedroom villa to a one-and-a-half-bed apartment.  Each move resulted in a shedding of the mass of belongings we had accumulated over the years.  The final big push in the downsizing was for the move onto the boat in preparation for our intended live aboard lifestyle for the next few years.

We were very proud of the fact we managed to trim our shipment of belongings that weren’t needed aboard to 3 large boxes that were shipped back to the UK.  In reality, we still managed to squeeze far more than we actually needed onto the boat.  2 inflatable paddle boards, 2 bikes and an electric skateboard all took up residence in the small confines of the boat.  Kitchen equipment that I felt we couldn’t do without included a food processor and a dehydrator.  It turns out that I could definitely do without both, as neither is now on board. Getting all this stuff onboard was one thing but finding space to keep it was another. Most of the storage space onboard Aroha is located under or behind sofas or under the floorboards. The back cabin, with limited headroom, became the storage room for a lot of our kit.  Over the years, we have started whittling down what we keep on board.  While our space will never be spacious, it can at least be space efficient and that is made easier by having less stuff to store.

The harsh conditions of the prolonged stay in India resulted in the demise of some of the excesses.  Nearly everything made of plastic, rubber or vinyl suffered. The stand-up paddle boards fared particularly badly and proved to be unrepairable.  Our notions of using the bikes as a quick mode of transport when ashore proved to be impractical.  Getting them on and off the boat was a mission in itself, and even when onshore the unsafe roads and distances to cover made crossing the Bay of Bengal look like child’s play.

I mention this to demonstrate that the transition to small-space living was gradual.  Removing the excesses of items held on board does mean that we gain back a little more space for us to live in.  The real irony is that Aroha gives us much more liveable space than Cyril, our Transit van camper that was our home for 14 months as Covid refugees in New Zealand.  Living in a small space has now become second nature to us but we have learnt a lot over the years on how to make the use of that space more liveable.

Spending so much time together now is quite different to other stages of our life together. Over the years we actually spent quite a long time apart.  Bryan travelled frequently for work, and I had consultancy projects that required extended time away in Qatar and Kuwait.  As recently as last year, as we arrived on the boat in Thailand, I left almost immediately back to the UK due to the illness of a family member.  This resulted in Bryan staying in Thailand and us not being together in the same country, let alone the same home, for 4 months. It does make me realise that prolonged separations are as much of a test of a good relationship as living in a small space.

We definitely have different activity levels. I’m happy sitting at an anchorage just wiling away the time. Bryan likes to be “doing” something.  Both here and UK, we make sure that we have both shared interests and separate ones.  Bryan does enjoy hiking and exploring, while my tastes are more moderate.  Despite the fact that I am the one with decades of marketing experience, I think Bryan’s marketing skills are particularly well suited to the promotion of his hikes.  I should know better after experiencing his under-selling of “short” walks, with “small” climbs.  On one infamous occasion on a hike with friends in Oman, we had scrambled over huge boulders for what seemed like hours and were standing at the top of a precipice looking down on a near vertical drop of a hundred metres or so – our intended route back – to hear Bryan say, “it didn’t look so steep on Google Earth”.  I clearly fall into the slow learner camp when recently persuaded to do the gentle climb into the Bat Cave at Railay which turned out to be far more arduous than the short hike that I had been mis-sold.  I swear Bryan is half mountain goat and half monkey, while I am proportionally more sloth with a bit of penguin thrown in.

On board, we maintain some separate interests.  For example, I have my ukulele on board and Bryan his clarinet. The cockpit tends to be our respective practice area.  For the majority of our time in Thailand, we have been at anchor mostly, spending very little time in marinas.  There are seldom more than a few boats and – given the need for safe swinging space, are never closer than a couple of boat lengths.  At one particular anchorage, there was just us and one catamaran – anchored about 300 metres from us.  We were just returning from an early morning jaunt in the dinghy to visit a small cave and decided to stop by the catamaran to say hello.  Proving that it is definitely a small world, the charter group on board were visiting from Dartmouth – just down the road from us in Devon.  They asked, “who was playing the clarinet last night.  We heard Silent night”.  Bryan and I looked at each other and laughed.  Our respective instrument playing is not intended for an audience, and Bryan’s choice of music is dictated by the stage he has reached in his “A new tune a day for Clarinet” book.  It just so happened that Silent Night was on the page that night. Though he will be well-prepared for Christmas 2023!

We have never tended to argue much.  We will each have our respective sulks for a while, but these don’t last long.  As pet peeves go, they do tend to be fairly minor.  I will mention using the tea towel as a dishcloth to mop up spills, which is a tendency of one of us on board.  But, as an example of not sweating the small stuff and in full alignment with the saying, “if you can’t beat them join them” I intentionally bought black tea towels. The laundry fairy no longer has to stress about getting her whites whiter than white. Compromise does go a long way in avoiding many of the strains of day-to-day life.

I have also benefited from mental stimulation achieved through maintaining interests that extend beyond our day-to-day life on the boat.  My CELTA qualification gained back in 2019, has been put into practice with me teaching English online.  I began this as a bit of an experiment prior to leaving the UK and was initially unsure if I could maintain this during our Thai trip.  It has worked out pretty well.  Aided by the excellent telecom network coverage across Thailand even in some of the most remote locations we have visited.  I have taught for a few hours each week, with students based In Germany, Poland, Chile, Spain, Ukraine and UK. Gaining my CELTA qualification was quite a slog. My 6-week residential course in Ecuador was exhilarating and exhausting in equal measure, so putting it to good use now feels very rewarding.  It has also given me the opportunity to tap into the lives of my students in different parts of the world. My focus on Business English has also meant I have connected with students with really interesting jobs or career plans.  It is very satisfying to know that I am able to play a small part in helping them to progress in their ambitions.  In turn, the few lessons I teach each week give me back as much as I put in, and provide me with some interesting “content” to share with Bryan

I realise that, in concluding this post, I have no real pearls of wisdom to share about how we manage to get along in the smallest of small spaces. While we can joke about our fundamental incompatibilities, Bryan doesn’t understand how I can tolerate cold drinks without ice, while I fail to understand why he thinks cooked celery is a good idea, these are small in comparison to our numerous compatibilities.  It is also fair to say that we have removed many of the stresses of our old way of life including the ones that could have led to tension in the past. As far as living on the boat is concerned, it is not the size of the space that you share with a person that matters, but who you are sharing it with. And when you fill that space with love, it just doesn’t seem that small any more.

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